The Charles at sunset. February 2012.
Friday was my last day of work before starting maternity leave. But let me be honest. Friday was my last day of work for possibly a couple of years. My husband and I decided a while back that, after our wee-one is born, I'll take some time off of working to raise her. A year or so. Maybe more. Maybe less. We'll just have to see. But I will not be returning to work after my 12 weeks of maternity leave is up. I am both excited and nervous and petrified at the idea of not working. You see, I have consistently had a job since I was 14 years old scooping frozen yogurt and ice cream at Red's in Salt Lake City. Then there was the Gap at Trolley Square. Followed by a nurse assistant at the hospital. And then there was Pottery Barn and Chevy's Fresh Mex. The list goes on but my point is... I have always had a job and money of my own. I've always had the schedule of some where to be or some place to go with a job to fulfill. I know that my job now will be very different. But honestly, I don't really know what to expect with the job of motherhood. What if I suck at it? What if I miss the working world? What if I get lonely or bored without co-workers and nursing tasks and interactions with patients and the chaos of the Emergency Department? When I have confided in the few at work who know I won't be returning after maternity leave, they tell me not to worry and that I will love being at home with our daughter. They say that, after she is born, I won't ever want to leave her and that staying at home will just feel right.
I am sure they are right. And I am sure I will feel that way once our daughter is here. It just feels a little strange right now to not have a job to go to. To not have a schedule to plan or weekends to work or days off to request. Don't get me wrong, I totally know that being a mother is a full-time job that will be so rewarding and so challenging and so different every day. And I can't wait for that. It's just that I've been a nurse for a while now and it sort of defines me. But now being a mother will. I know there will be challenges and triumphs and fears and victories and I am sure there will be days that I wish I could put on my scrubs and go back to the chaos of Mass General but, for now, I'll focus on starting my new job. The job that I will have for the rest of my life. The job of being a mother to our little wee-one.
If only she'd get here already. I am ready to start work!
It is very weird NOT working when you have been doing it since you were 14! I haven't since July and miss it all the time. I know you will be good at the stay at home mom thing, but if you don't get out to meet other moms or just get out with friends etc... you will miss the conversations that don't consist of "Oh wee one... did you do a do do in your pants?" I am only saying!! Have I mentioned before how excited I am for you??!!ReplyDelete
I was in the same boat when I had my first. I'm not going to lie, it was a huge adjustment. But after some anxiety about it in the first 3 months, I fell into a routine and really embraced it. I had to remind myself that each small accomplishment had beauty in it. Even cleaning the house or preparing a meal. If you find beauty in the small pieces of your life, you will be fine!ReplyDelete
Oh, and get out of the house every day! That was key for me!
I made that same decision 12 years ago... and am just now thinking of going back. lolReplyDelete
It was the best thing I ever did.
Good luck on this big transition.
Oh. My. Goodness. I have been away too, too long, Briana! I had no idea you and your husband were expecting! Congrats a million times over!ReplyDelete
I thought of you just yesterday when I saw the Cadbury Creme Eggs and I said to myself that I needed to check in with you. Big surprises!
i am about to be leaving my job as well since our little girl is due in 4 weeks and wont be returning. the sammmme thoughts have ran through my head too, you are not alone!!ReplyDelete
I haven't had a job in 5 months now and I don't even have any one / thing / schedule / job to take care of and it's been sooo weird! I sometimes feel like such a slacker not ever setting my alarm or when the only plans I have for the day is to play squash with my brother or go climb at some point then maybe ski later.ReplyDelete
It still feels weird, but enjoy this time before she gets here bc I'm sure you'll be crazy busy once she does!
That kind of change is good! Good luck with your next job!!!ReplyDelete
It really is a huge change. I have struggled with it a bit - I also have been working since a teen, and always had "my money". I feel guilty now if I spend anything on myself.ReplyDelete
I miss the adult interaction, the brain exercise of the work place, and yes, the money.
Just last week I heard of a job here at the on base clinic. This is huge - they hire a lot of LPN's but not RN's. I considered applying but it was full time. I am not ready to leave him yet for full time. And childcare wait lists are long, so I would have had to been working on it for months.
Make sure to join mom groups and get out. Its harder here than it would be in the states, but I am trying.
I think you will be really happy, it's a privileged to be able to stay home, even if it's tough at times.