The Charles at sunset. February 2012.
Friday was my last day of work before starting maternity leave. But let me be honest. Friday was my last day of work for possibly a couple of years. My husband and I decided a while back that, after our wee-one is born, I'll take some time off of working to raise her. A year or so. Maybe more. Maybe less. We'll just have to see. But I will not be returning to work after my 12 weeks of maternity leave is up. I am both excited and nervous and petrified at the idea of not working. You see, I have consistently had a job since I was 14 years old scooping frozen yogurt and ice cream at Red's in Salt Lake City. Then there was the Gap at Trolley Square. Followed by a nurse assistant at the hospital. And then there was Pottery Barn and Chevy's Fresh Mex. The list goes on but my point is... I have always had a job and money of my own. I've always had the schedule of some where to be or some place to go with a job to fulfill. I know that my job now will be very different. But honestly, I don't really know what to expect with the job of motherhood. What if I suck at it? What if I miss the working world? What if I get lonely or bored without co-workers and nursing tasks and interactions with patients and the chaos of the Emergency Department? When I have confided in the few at work who know I won't be returning after maternity leave, they tell me not to worry and that I will love being at home with our daughter. They say that, after she is born, I won't ever want to leave her and that staying at home will just feel right.
I am sure they are right. And I am sure I will feel that way once our daughter is here. It just feels a little strange right now to not have a job to go to. To not have a schedule to plan or weekends to work or days off to request. Don't get me wrong, I totally know that being a mother is a full-time job that will be so rewarding and so challenging and so different every day. And I can't wait for that. It's just that I've been a nurse for a while now and it sort of defines me. But now being a mother will. I know there will be challenges and triumphs and fears and victories and I am sure there will be days that I wish I could put on my scrubs and go back to the chaos of Mass General but, for now, I'll focus on starting my new job. The job that I will have for the rest of my life. The job of being a mother to our little wee-one.
If only she'd get here already. I am ready to start work!