Thursday, October 17, 2013

One and done?

A brand-new Alice holding hands with a brand-new Daddy.

A few things lately have gotten me on the path of thinking that maybe having only one kid is the way to go.  Sure, Alice is a hot-mess on most days at 18-months old but that is to be expected at this age.  I know the first two years of a child's life are probably the most labor-intensive for the parents and let me just be blunt and say I'm pretty sure the costs outweigh the benefits (I love you, Alice!).  And selfishly, I'm sort of enjoying getting eight hours of sleep a night and having abs again.

But it's more than that. 

Having your spouse out of a job really puts the costliness of raising a child into perspective.  Like I've said before, we're not in the poorhouse but I'd also like to keep it that way.  Not that having another kid would knock us into financial ruin, it would just make finding an income and settling into another career more pressing.  And what about our plans to live small in just under 1,100-square feet?!

Then there is the possibility that I won't be able to get pregnant the good ol' fashioned way.  Yes, I got pregnant once before without too much intervention (just a whiff of Clomid) but I was 32 when we conceived Alice and now I'm knocking at the door of 35.  And I've also had a c-section which, I found out thanks to Dr. Google, can sometimes lead to secondary infertility due to adhesions and the like. 

And we are definitely not up for any heroics to conceive baby number two.

It's been more than a few months since we decided to start trying for another child.  More like 11 months, actually, and I am still not pregnant.  I realize that Alice isn't even two years old yet but, when you want something, months seem like years.  And when you feel the pressure of waning fertility and increasing age in both parents, each unsuccessful month is one more page closed in the chapter of having another baby.

I'm not trying to be melodramatic but more honest with what may or may not come to pass for us.  I also realize how fortunate I am to already have a healthy and beautiful and smart little girl who I was able to carry healthfully for 40 weeks and 6 days as many women don't even get that opportunity.

If she is the only child we ever create then we are so lucky. 

When I close my eyes and picture our future as a family, I still see Alice with a sibling and, for the time being, we're still in the running to have another baby.  At this point, I am definitely not ready to say one-and-done as I think I'd regret that decision years from now when all of my eggs have shriveled up and the opportunity to have another child is gone.

So for now, we're taking things one month at a time.  And crossing our fingers for whatever the future holds.

My breath catches and my eyes well every time I look at this picture... March 27th, 2012.


  1. Hugs to you, my friend. As you know, we are trying as well, but I have a feeling my eggs are done for. Maybe we will be pleasantly surprised, but if not, I trying to accept that one child (and a healthy one, at that), is okay.

    It still stings when a pregnancy announcement is made, but I know that there are also a lot of benefits to having one.

  2. Just a reminder. My mother and father had been trying for a few years after their last child was born. Mom had 1 miscarriage a few years prior to having us" the twins". Now you have to remember that there is 13 years between the last baby Nancy and the twins. AND that mom was 43 years old, dad 53. As mom's sisters said, "Dorothy's eggs were pretty stale". But we, (the twins) were healthy with very little problems. AND there were built in baby sitters (3 older children) to help my mother.

    My twin used Clomid to get pregnant for her first 3 kids, the 4th one came 3 yrs later as a "suprise". She was 38 yrs old. Sure, she was a little cautious about the possibility of complications, but didn't have any problems.

    Just keep a positive attitude and hopefully all will work out for you and your husband and if you only have Ms Alice, that's perfectly fine too. We love you. xo Mom

  3. I know that when you are trying every month seems like a lifetime, and sometimes the best thing you can do is say whatever happens is for the best. I was an only child and there were lots of very real upsides. Less financial stress, and also less logistical stress. My mom had tons of freedom to bring me along as a sidekick for many adventures that multiple kids would likely have been left behind on. I was also very comfortable and confident with adults, and amazing at entertaining myself.

    But... It did take us a while to conceive W. Only 8 or 9 months, but I was convinced I'd never have a baby and was a wreck. I did a lot of natural medicine and and acupuncture, who knows if it helped but something worked :) Then with baby #2 it was insanely fast... we thought we'd wait until W was two, and 8 months later ;) So you just never know. My hunch is that there will be another baby (or two!) for you guys. And if not, you do have one adorable little girl (that picture! so sweet). Try to avoid google. There are studies that say everything can reduce fertility, I'll spare you the list of theories I had for myself. Hugs!

  4. Such sweet pictures of baby Alice! And I have to agree with Lilly. There are so many benefits to the one-and-done category. Some of the most mature, well-adjusted, and thoughtful grown-ups I know are only children. I hope another baby is in the cards for you if that's what you wish for. But whatever happens, you have a beautiful, smart, feisty little girl who is so lucky to be in your family!


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