Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Not so sure.

I'm back in Boston.  My home.  But it feels weird.  Like I'm just on another vacation and will soon be getting on yet another plane that will take me home.  But I don't know where that home is... I just don't feel like we belong here.  You see, I am so happy to be back in the arms of my husband and to be back among the familiarity of our possessions but I feel a sense of displacement and transience for some reason.  Not sure why that is.  I just have an unsettling feeling at the moment... and it sucks.  But I'm sure it will go away and all will be well.  

As I was flying to L.A., I peered out the window as our plane skirted over the corner of Southern Utah... I saw red rocks and snow-capped mountains and blue skies and canyons... and I felt a huge sense of longing and sadness.  For what, though?  I think I am missing the familiarity of Utah.  Of the streets that are familiar to me.  Of the Utah accent that is familiar to me.  Of the way of life that is familiar to me.  It would be nice to see a familiar face once in a while, too.  In Utah I could always count on running into someone I knew a few times a week.  In Boston... I am anonymous. 

Honestly, I think I am just overly tired which is making me sensitive and introspective (I took the red-eye from L.A. to Boston and slept a mere 4 hours last night... in a plane seat no less).  I am sure my mood will be cured with a good night's sleep and a fresh cup of coffee in the morning before work.  Let's hope!

Do you ever feel unsettled but can't quite put your finger on why?  Sometimes I do... but it hasn't happened to me in a long time.  Like years.  I plan on shaking this feeling first thing tomorrow morning, whether it likes it or not.

Does moving to a new city ever get easier?  I feel that at this age (32) it is much more difficult to make friends as people are settled into their lives with their kids and their friends... and it can be hard to introduce new friends into that settled life.  I have met and hung out with one awesome person in Boston... I just hope she doesn't move back to the West coast any time soon!


  1. I know what you mean. Sometimes Grant and I are like WTF are we doing in Boston? It still seems like a dream. A lonely dream. :-/ And even though we are officially moving into a new apt. in May, it doesn't feel permanent. It's def. harder to meet people when you're older and partnered, but I think it'll be better when (if) spring finally gets here. xoxo

  2. Test the waters in the spring. I have lived in MA for over 20 years. I finally feel "at home" when I moved to my current location 2 years ago. Granted, I don't feel New England is my permanent home. I never have. But for now it's where my family lives and I have another 10 years before I can retire and move to warm weather and palm trees. That's where I really believe I belong.

    Hang in there.

  3. Yes, it is harder when you are "older". When Jason and I moved to LA (6 years ago) it was SO easy to make fast friends. Of course, it was the party, party lifestyle, too.. :)

    It's no secret we are counting the days until we leave Utah. It's been a rough three years living here. I won't miss it at all.

    The first few months are difficult, no matter where you go. Spring will bring great things for you, I know it!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...