A sudden thunderstorm and the resulting rainbow. Downtown SLC.
Last week I had an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. After almost a year and a half of trying, I am still not pregnant and I finally decided it was time to hopefully figure out why. My appointment went well, the doctor was optimistic that I'd be able to get pregnant again without major intervention and, when we were finished, she sent me on my way with orders for lab work, a prescription for a new medication, and instructions to make an appointment for a diagnostic procedure later in the month.
But then, later that day and for the remainder of the week, I started to question if I even want to have another baby.
If I would've gotten pregnant by now, of course we would be delighted. But it hasn't happened and now that Alice is almost two-and-a-half and is becoming more independent, I feel less inclined to rewind the clock to start over with a newborn. Selfishly, I'm not sure I want to give up my body and my career and my freedom all over again to stay home and raise another child (and luckily, Lee is on the same page).
I do worry about Alice growing up without a sibling and, of course, I fear the regret I may feel someday over only having one but I also look forward to being able to focus all of our attention and our time and our resources on raising our smart and funny and beautiful little girl, who will be amazing with or without a little brother or sister.
The door for us possibly having another child is still open a sliver and I plan to do some serious soul-searching over the next few weeks to hopefully figure out what is the best path for the future.
For me. For Lee. And for Alice.
Because of the sensitive nature of this topic, I've turned off the ability to comment on this post. Thank you for understanding.
Weekend Workouts: Saturday - Rest day! Sunday - Road bike ride! 51.2 miles/3:39/374 ft elev gain.
The show is over! Taking her chair back inside.